The New Joys of JELLO

I don’t know about you, but lately I’ve been thinking that the Joys of JELLO have been getting a little stale.  Luckily, on a recent trip to the thrift store, I found the solution to my JELLO rut.  It’s a lovely little book called “The New Joys of JELLO”.  Let me tell you, was I ever joyous to find this gem!  I’ve always been of the belief that there are few foods in this world that can’t be improved upon by adding JELLO and/or marshmallows to it, that’s why I was so delighted to find an entire cookbook devoted to JELLO recipes!

 While the children in this illustration may at first glance appear to be a little on the creepy side, have no worries, they are perfectly lovable.  Who else but a perfectly lovable little boy (albeit one with a rather odd haircut) would invite all his friends over for a JELLO party?  Look how happy they all are!  Ahhh the simpler times of the 1970s when just the thought of a sundae-shaped JELLO mold was enough to make the heart flutter!  The waffle cones filled with JELLO is just pure genius!  I think I will be making that for my next party.

 

 But it would certainly be folly to think that JELLO parties are only appropriate for children.  Touche’.  JELLO is so versatile that it can go from kid’s party to posh upscale soiree with just a little creative switch of the serving bowl!  Here we have a lovely young couple having a party (an engagement celebration, perhaps?) featuring JELLO, JELLO, and more JELLO.  I ask you, who would not enjoy this beautiful buffet?  I like to think that the man with the funny raised eyebrows is thinking, “Hmmm.  JELLO.  Who’d have thought?  I should ask my lovely hostess for the recipe so I can serve this at my next dinner party.”  The lady in the striped dress is probably thinking, “What on earth was I thinking?!  Even my skinny butt can’t pull off wide horizontal stripes!  Why didn’t I listen to my mother?”

 

Now who would have thought that you could make JELLO that looks like bacon?  That’s way better than that stupid turkey bacon!  And the dinner rolls – well that’s just pure art!  A whole meal that doesn’t require chewing!  Think of all the energy you could save!  JELLO casserole just cannot be topped, I don’t care what kind of fancy pants chef you think you are, Emeril!  You can never top a JELLO casserole served with faux JELLO bacon!  Never!

 

 

Now for all you June brides who have been reading “Bride” magazine and “The Knot” website religiously, the authors thought of you too!  No wedding could possibly be complete without a full JELLO dessert buffet!  Whatever you do, do not skimp on the JELLO molds or your guests will be sorely disappointed – they may even sneak their gifts back out!  Oh the horror!  To prevent this, please be sure you have a full array of cake shaped JELLO.  Remember, that JELLO is so versatile that there is a recipe for every taste!  Another pro of serving a JELLO mold in lieu of a big fancy expensive cake is that the groom will have a heck of a time shoving it in your face!  See how happy this lovely couple is?  Can you really blame them?  Ater all, they have everything: a lovely new spouse, a gorgeous dress, an adoring niece, and a cantaloupe shaped JELLO mold!  With strawberries!
 

 

By now you probably think that I have covered every possible way to serve JELLO.  Well, you’d be wrong.  I would hate to leave out my fellow Weight Watchers!  Don’t despair, there are even JELLO recipes for those of us who need to watch our weight!  But JELLO didn’t want to come out and say, “Hey, fatso, you can’t have marshmallows!”  Oh no.  So they call it “salad”.  Now that’s my kind of salad!  I could really go to town on the weight loss train if I could eat salads with JELLO!  Don’t be distracted by the creepy floating-in-JELLO vegetables, instead you should notice how deliriously happy these women are.

 

There you have it.  Five uses for the oh-so-versatile JELLO gelatin dessert.  It is appropriate for celebrations from weddings to casual after school get-togethers.  People of all ages, religions, sizes, and genders can find a JELLO recipe to suit their lifestyles.  You all have a good night, all this writing has got me craving some ham.  Or am I simply craving JELLO in the shape of a ham?