I have gotten about 62 emails in the last few days asking why I haven’t been blogging. Well, actually, I mightbe exaggerating just a little. By about 62. Nonetheless, I’m sure all my good readers are wondering where I’ve been. I have 2 words for you all: Comcast sucks. I have been battling with them over their crummy “service”, which isn’t really “service” so much as “no service.” Things sort of went downhill and I fired them. It went really downhill when the customer no-service representative told me that I would have to pay a $42.95 disconnect fee. That pretty much did me in. But that’s all behind us now and I have Embarq. We’ll see how it goes. Since I got DSL, I had to get a home phone number for the first time in about 7 or 8 years. So far, the only people who have called me are Nevada Call and Tempus Resorts. I’m pretty sure those are pseudonyms for government spies. Didn’t Valerie Plame go by the name Nevada Call for a few years back in the late ’90s? You would think that after she made such a fuss about everybody finding out she does at-home secretarial work for the CIA, she would make sure that her number came up “private”.
Luckily for the great State of Missouri, our state legislature has been hard at work (unlike Comcast). Today (or maybe yesterday, I have no sense of time), they declared it a violation of employees’ civil liberties to be forced to have a microchip implanted in their heads (or wherever the heck an employer would implant a microchip) as a condition of employment. Now, you may be asking yourself, “Is this really a problem? Wouldn’t it be more productive for the state representatives to focus on problems such as the sorry state of the highways and bridges in Missouri?” Well, obviously, you are not all that bright if you had to ask yourself such a ridiculous question. Of course the microchip issue is important and of course a good deal of time should be spent discussing the issue. Even State Representative Jim Guest thinks so. He said he “…doesn’t know of any Missouri employers who are doing that, but it is important for states to get in front of the issue and regulate how radio tracking technology can be used.” Which makes total sense. The legislature is obviously ineffective at solving problems that currently face our state, so why not try to solve problems that haven’t been invented yet? According to some, there is almost no voluntary market for microchip implants (I can’t imagine why) so employers will probably start pushing requirements for employees to get the chip any day now. Rogue bands of employers must be regulated before they get the power to have more information than the state government (members of which would probably just lose it anyway).
And for those of you who end up on my blog through the google search “how to tell if the government is tracking you” (that’s a true story, I get about 3 hits a week from that search): if you have to ask, you’re being tracked. (Wasn’t that an artistic use of a colon?) They are trying to track you like a dog! It is imperative that you go to your safe room NOW. There is no time to lose. Next thing you know, the Clintons will be putting subliminal messages in the chips…”Vote for Hillary. Vote for Hillary.” Or maybe they will just program them to play “Devil With the Blue Dress On” over and over and over until you go insane wondering about what the word “is” means. You know the drill.
In their effort to track me, the government had a DishNetwork satellite installed on my deck. What? You don’t think that’s enough proof? Well, how is thisfor proof? My DVR is set to record every single episode of ”The Holy Rosary With Mother Angelic”. I’M NOT EVEN CATHOLIC! I’m sure it’s because George W. Bush had his secret spies follow me to a wedding I attended over the weekend at a Catholic Church. Think about it. A good Methodist goes to a Catholic wedding and suddenly out of the blue three days later gets a satellite installed that just happens to be recording every episode of “The Holy Rosary With Mother Angelic”. Obviously, there is something not on the up and up. I blame global warming. Or is it George Bush? Hillary? Now I’m confused! They’ve scrambled my brains!
Speaking of drills’, did you know that there i’s a whole entire movement to do away with superfluous’ apostrophe’s? I really do’nt see any need for that. Apostrophe’s are great! We need more of them! Some people just want to spoil everybodyses’ fun!
(That last paragraph really had nothing to do with your employer’s efforts to track your every move; I have just wanted to use the phrase superfluous apostrophe for several days now and the opportunity hadn’t yet presented itself.)