Why you should vote for me for President.

My opponent voted against giving cute puppy dogs to a good home.  He voted against letting underprivileged children get new text books and against allowing white children to go to public school.  He voted against ambulance rides for the elderly.  All this while simultaneously raising his own salary and murdering innocent hamsters for fun!  Not to mention that he worships Satan every Saturday night with his shack up gay illegal alien lover!
 
I’m Mary and this post was approved by me.

Okay, that was stupid.  I’m just so tired of the political ads.  Like anyone believes that the opponent is ever as horrible as they say.  There’s one woman running out here who casually throws into her commercial that she’s a breast cancer survivor.  I am very grateful that she survived that ordeal and I feel for her, I really do, but come on.  That’s got to be ridiculous even by politicians’ standards.

Anyway, on to more important things (like talking about me since this is my blog and all).

I’m sure you have heard Ron White’s “Tater Salad” segment.  You remember the part where they send over his criminal record and satellites are hooking up then he does the Morse code/shorthand thing?  Well, I experienced that first-hand the other day when I went to get different auto insurance.
 
I sat with my insurance lady and we discussed it, got a quote, and then ordered the insurance.  She asked me if I had anything on my record in the last 3 years.  I said I figured I had a couple speeding tickets but wasn’t quite sure.  You see, not only do I have no sense of time so that a ticket I got 4 years ago literally seems like 2 months ago, but I also plead down a lot so I don’t actually get convicted of all my speeding.  I can never remember which ones I pled out of.  I bet I could hire a computer guy to make me a spreadsheet, but it would be inhibitively complicated and expensive so I’ll just go with it.
 
At any rate, we ordered the insurance and she goes to print a copy out for my records.  The first page had the insurance summary and then all these other pages started printing.  It was my freaking driving record!  It was six pages long!  I was like, “What the hell?  I don’t think I’ve had THAT many in three years!”  Apparently, Missouri has changed the rules so the insurance companies no longer get your record for the last 3 years, they get your record from when you started driving!  Well, shoot.  Next time I change my auto insurance through this broker, I’ll probably have to donate a ream of paper to the cause.  There were 3 pages of “emission” citations alone!

The important thing is though, that our congressmen and women are too busy changing stupid insurance rules to worry about starving puppy dogs and keeping poor kids out of public schools.