I am now the proud owner of the most asinine book ever written. And I do mean the most. Ever.
It is called “Kitchen Playdates” by Lauren Bank Deen and is described as “Easy ideas for entertaining that includes the kids.” I was expecting ideas along the lines of, “Put an avocado in a Ziploc and let your kid smoosh it up to help make guacamole.” Or, “Fill a wading pool with cooked spaghetti and let the fun begin!” Or, “Use a cookie cutter to make fun shaped PB&J sandwiches.” That’s what I was expecting.
Instead I got grand ideas for kids’ playdates like: grilled lobsters with garlic butter, edamame dip, brussels sprouts with bacon and cream … Seriously? Brussels sprouts with bacon and cream?! That will make your kid the hit of the school. That’s what this woman considers reasonable playdate fare?
“Let’s go to Tommy’s house! His mom makes the best broccoli rabe and brussels sprouts with bacon and cream! Yay!”
I think my favorite is “Parchment-Baked Halibut with Shiitakes, Lemon, and Herbs.” Would you like to know how your kid could help with that? They can “do almost all the work. Older kids should be supervised if cutting the lemons.” (I guess the younger kids don’t need supervision while cutting the lemons.)
What I don’t understand is that this book got four stars on Amazon. Surely I cannot be the only mother in America who thinks that Asian Radicchio Slaw is inappropriate for a playdate … Surely I cannot be that much of an underachiever!
For Pete’s sakes, who invites the kids over for Curried Roasted Cauliflower?!
In case you are wondering, no, I am not making any of this up. My imagination is not that fertile.
I’m trying to figure out what the heck to do with this book. I could put it on my Bookmooch site, but I’d really hate to inflict this nonsense on another poor unsuspecting mother. I’m tempted to leave it on my bookshelf for those days when I need a good laugh. Or to give me and my other mother friends something to laugh about.
I suppose we could always try out some of the recipes at our next playdate … because every kid loves Sesame Orzo With Dried Apricots, Currants, and Slivered Almonds. Really. They do. I wouldn’t make that up.
My mom thinks I should write about her. Ummmm … Well, I can honestly say that my dear mother never served lobster with garlic butter at any of my playdates. Although she did make chili for my entire Girl Scout troop once. And she threw a mean tea party.
P.S. What is broccoli rabe anyway? I tried to look for clues in the recipe, but one of the ingredients is broccoli rabe.
Oh my goodness! I think I’d cry at that. Much like I did in one of Rachael Ray’s books my hubby bought me. I’ve never heard of most of the ingredients. And the ones I had heard of were WAY too expensive. I think you should go for the spagetti in the pool idea and make your OWN book. “FUN kitchen playdates…..” oooh, maybe you could take that brocoli rabe and do an experiment to see what happens if you drop it in a tub of water. Does it float? Sink? Dissolve?
Weird! People are so weird! I swear, people that write cookbooks are soo out of touch with real people.
This is my fantastic blog moment of the day! Crazy. I am going right now to The Google to find out what broccoli rabe is!
tee hee (and I am going to giggle the whole way there)
I really thought you were joking at first! My kiddo is sixteen and wouldn’t eat most of these things, could she help? Probably, but it won’t be me she’s helping.
I wonder if broccoli rabe is anything like cornchions? (That’s what Martha Stewart wanted us to put in the potato salad.) Maybe poor Alexis had to put up with her mother making stuff like that for her playdates. That’s why she’s so ascerbic. (I don’t know what that is either, but it sounds right.)
And that was gourmet chili for the Girls Scouts, thank you very much. I am quite sophisticated when it comes to food. I am only held back by your father, who is the exact opposite. The man can’t figure out why we need spices and herbs. He thinks he’s seasoning when he puts a teaspoon of dried parsley in vegetable soup.
Shelby hates brussels sprouts. It would be a crime to feed them to her. Even though she is quite sophisticated – she gets it from me. Did you see the way she can put a whole marshmellow in her mouth?
Me, your mom
Ha ha, hilarious review!!
hmmm, most of that sounds like things I wouldn’t serve at an ADULT party…much less for kids. I kinda like being the neighbor hood Kool-Aid mom but THAT would insure the kids would not come back.
You lost me after Garlic Lobster, that is about the only thing I would eat.
Maybe this book was really meant to be for the celebrity chefs and nanny’s. I can see them serving those for the kids.
I HAVE to go to yard sales! Thrifting/junking is a complete and total addiction for me. I would probably start convulsing or something if I tried to stop, so it’s just better for everyone if I keep going about my merry way
I am getting rid of a TON though, so it all evens out… LOL Or so I tell myself to try and justify my addictive habits!
I made broccoli rabe once (for myself and I was probably around 40) and I hated it. And, I eat everything. Oh and I hate the word “playdate.” I think you should burn this book in the backyard and roast some weenies and marshmallows over the flames for Shelby. I’d come over and make her a batch of playdough if you fed me hot dogs.
P.S. Hi to Karen, your mom!
HAHAHAHAH OMG I laughed so hard I almost peed in my pants! I’m thinking you need to use the book for that uneven table… or the pages as toilet paper in case you run out.. or you can even use it for papermache… or you can just keep it handy for when you want to laugh
thanks for the chuckle. Also.. what have you been doing lately? No post since mid-April…. I miss having something entertaining to read. I was scolded in church today for not pay attention to the sermon….. and it was Shelby’s fault. She’s so darn cute!
Maybe the book wasn’t all bad … this is my most commented-on Non-Vintage-Thingie-Thursdays post ever! lol.