I admit it, I love Costco. From the moment I take the adult sized cart that is actually tall enough for me to push without looking like a hunchback on dope to the moment I proudly show my receipt to the lady at the exit to prove I’m not stealing anything, I walk around on a super-wholesale-size high.
I love to wander the aisles and find all the things I never knew I needed. Like the 6 pack of scissors I bought at my last trip. Or the time before that when I bought 150 yards of brown satin ribbon with pink polka dots. Do I have any clue why I need to add 6 more pair of scissors to my already vast scissor collection? No. Do I have any clue as to how I will ever use 450 feet of brown satin ribbon with pink polka dots in this lifetime? No. The important thing though is that I can say I own 52 pairs of scissors, acquired 6 by 6, and 450 feet of brown satin ribbon with pink polka dots for which I only paid $7.49.
Today I bought a case of fake eggs. When I was trying to shove them in the freezer, all I could think was, “What the heck was I thinking? I only like farm eggs. How will I ever use an entire case of egg beaters?! By August?!” I guess I’ll just have to make some more Hungry Girl onion rings.
I’m rather proud of myself for bypassing the package of 28 glue sticks. I had it in my hand. I really did. Then I thought, “Self [that’s what I call myself is Self], what are you going to do with 28 glue sticks? You don’t use glue sticks. You hate glue sticks. You can’t even smoke them.” Then Self’s alter ego said, “Yes. But a true professional scrapbooker like Lisa Bearnson or CD Muckosky wouldn’t think twice about buying 28 glue sticks. Especially for the low low price of $14.99.” Luckily, my saner self had stayed sober this afternoon and she won out. It makes up for the 6 pound package of bologna that I bought.
My only disappointment with Costco is that they have gone to the super concentrated high efficiency laundry detergent. Supposedly the half-size bottle will still wash the same 3000 loads of clothes – or whatever it is, but it is not nearly as satisfying to heft 2 gallons of laundry detergent into the mutant cart as it is to heft the jumbo 4 gallon bottle. I feel so much cooler when my biceps bulge while loading the big bottle. Plus, the little bottle doesn’t make the bunny huggers snub me like the gigantic one does.
I also recently learned that you can buy all your funeral paraphernalia at Costco.com. I am not making this up, you can purchase your casket and the requisite accessories online. And their prices are very reasonable. I have to say, I’ve been to the casket room at the funeral home and I think buying online is a much better way to do it. I was contemplating where to store my new casket when my husband suggested I keep it in the garage so he could use it to take naps until such time as it is needed. It’s probably cheaper than a new bed.