I was informed of a new organization by an alert reader. Actually, it wasn’t an alert reader, but rather I who discovered this. (Or was it me who discovered this? Or I whom discovered … well no matter, you know what I’m trying to communicate here; use your imagination.) The organization is called the “Information Overload Research Group” and they are in charge of researching what happens when people receive too many emails. If you think I’m making this up, then go check out their site at: http://www.iorgforum.org. You can even subscribe to their blog and get email notifications when the group discovers something new and exciting about getting too many emails.
I wonder if they could come up with a way to make people stop sending me every email they ever see. Seriously. Weren’t we all vaccinated against the Melissa virus back in Y2K? So why am I still getting urgent email alerts about this “latest virus” that the originator of the email checked out with a friend who works at Microsoft himself? And why am I in email groups with persons such as the sender’s grandma, his preacher, his drinking buddy, and the local hooker?
I will admit that I have, on occasion, forwarded a particularly knee slapping funny email. But I don’t have groups, I tailor who I send each email to. I would never send a naked bikini girl picture to my grandma! And I certainly wouldn’t send a cute kitty to my dad! If I get a funny construction email, then I send it to my construction buddies. If I get a funny Avon email, then I pass it on to my Avon buddies. If I get a funny Mary Kay email, then I … oh who am I kidding? Nothing funny has ever come out of a Mary Kay lady’s mouth! Who wants to be buddies with a Mary Kay lady anyhow? To tell you the truth, they kind of freak me out with their pink power suits, matching cars, and oversize shoes. Really. Who the heck matches her car to her outfit?! I’m doing good to get my shirt matched to my pants. Those women give new meaning to the phrase “jingo mom”.
But I digress. I found this organization whose sole purpose is to research how too many emails can effect worker productivity. They have a point. I sometimes really want to be in the dark about things. For instance, I could have gone my whole life and been totally happy without ever seeing the picture of the dude who got his belly tattooed to look like a monkey making his belly button the monkey’s … never mind.
I do like to keep up to speed, however, when it comes to pictures like this:
(Incidentally, if you know who I should credit with this picture, please let me know.) What I can’t figure out is the sewing machine. Everything else makes perfect sense. Had the guy been holding something like … say … an Easy Bake Oven, it would have made perfect sense. But a sewing machine?! What the heck?
There is some other information that I sincerely wish the IORG would bog me down with; the meanings of acronyms. Oh sure, I can figure out the easy ones: TY, BRB, BTW, PITA, etc. But what the heck is AFAIK? Or PWND? Or 2MRO? KWIM? Someone (and I hate to suggest this because I have found in life that when one makes constructive suggestions, one often gets put in charge of implementing those constructive suggestions) should make a list of commonly used acronyms.
While we are talking about things that suck, I would like to ask each of you to please quit using the phrase ASAP. I do not believe there is any more obnoxious phrase in the English language. Especially when it is abbreviated. There is no quicker way to get me to ignore your pleas than to ask me to do something ASAP. And also, if you insist on driving a battery operated roller skate, that’s your business and I’m happy for you. But for the love of all that is green, quit pulling out in front of me! I guarantee that a 4×4 doing 80 is going to win that collision.
Furthermore, have some shame, people! If your children are out of control demons, your car is being repoed, you can’t stay sober for more than 4 minutes, your children have been taken away, your husband is a drunken fool, you get caught making out with your best friend while drunk, and/or you must call the police while wearing a thread bare t-shirt and no bra then at least have the good sense not to sign the waiver allowing it to be broadcast on national television. No one wants to see that crap. Well, some people do obviously, but they don’t count because they don’t have enough sense to know what sucks and they probably use the word ASAP.
There are several other things that suck. It really sucks when I say something hilarious and the jok-ee does not understand. For instance, I keep telling my husband how funny I am and he just looks at me with a blank stare and says, “If you have to tell people you are funny, then you are not funny.” So I always have to explain that me telling him that I’m funny is in-and-of itself absolutely hilarious which just illustrates my theory that jokes are much much funnier after I explain them. Preferably two to three times.
Now I must go because it is my responsibility to warn the world about mysterious thugs who slash your ankles and steal your kidneys while you naively pump gas while downloading the worst virus ever to be invented – the Miguel Jose Rodriguez Virus. True story, I checked it out with our local sheriff who happens to moonlight at Microsoft so he can afford to pay his taxes.