A few weeks ago, I bought some meat from one of my neighbor’s kids, who was selling it for an FFA fundraiser. Incidentally, did you know that FFA no longer stands for Future Farmers of America? True story; it’s just random letters that don’t stand for anything now. But it’s still a good organization. Aaaaanyway, I bought some meat and then forgot about it. A couple nights ago, she knocked on my door with her parents and they said, “We brought your ham over!” After my memory kicked in (I have a mind like a steel trap – but it has some surface rust), I remembered that I did, indeed, buy a ham. Or a turkey. I couldn’t remember. But they said ham so I figured it must have been a ham. I mean, really, an FFA member ought to know if she’s holding a ham or a turkey – even if she isn’t going to be a farmer.
The next morning I was on my way to the grocery store when Meat called (sometimes I just call him Meat instead of Meat Galore) and asked if I wanted him to take the ham out of the freezer to thaw. I said that would be wonderful. A couple minutes later he calls back and says, “I don’t think this is a ham…” I asked, “Why not?” And he said, “Because it has wings and 2 drumsticks and hams don’t have wings and drumsticks.” We were both sad because we had each spent the night dreaming sweet dreams of ham-plum fairies. The turkey was delicious – but it sure wasn’t no ham!
You know how they say that everyone who has ever taken a shower has had a good idea? Well, I figured out something in the shower yesterday that had perplexed me for weeks. My new curling iron has this warning on it (sorry for the blurry picture, I can’t seem to get it focused – I think because the paper is shiny).
I’ve spent weeks trying to figure out why the manufacturer would warn the user that it could burn the user’s eyes. Sure it’s true, but you’re more likely to burn your forehead or the top of your ears when you use a curling iron. Suddenly, as I was standing in the shower yesterday, it dawned on me! Some nitwit must have tried to use her curling iron to curl her eyelashes! Freak! It’s made even worse by the fact that this thing has a 1 1/4″ barrel. I think that whatever dum-dum did this (and you know someone did or else they’d never have thought to put that warning there in the first place) should just be locked up in a padded room somewhere because she is obviously too stupid to be out with the general public. Who the heck would do that?!
I was also reading the instructions for my new smoke alarm. Did you know that smoke alarms can wear out? They are only good for about 7-10 years. Even if the test button works, the sensor could still be bad. Anyway, we have a wood burning stove so, once I learned this little tidbit from the fireman who lives down the street (the one who’s kid sold me the wing-ed ham), I went and got new smoke detectors. I tried to take a picture, but I won’t subject you to 2 blurry pictures in one post. Suffice it to say that, under the heading of “Fire Safety Tips”, it says that you should not smoke in bed and that you should keep matches and lighters away from small children. Which is really going to cramp my style since Meat and I just put a pack of USA Golds and a box of matches in Shelby’s crib so she won’t need to wake us up every single time she wants to smoke or play with matches.
Here’s a picture of our wood burning stove. Meat Galore built it himself from scratch. The legs are sprocket segments. I’m sure you can tell that by looking at it, but I like saying the word sprocket.
Wow. He needs to get the shop vac out! We keep it in our basement and heat the whole house with it. That black mark on the background is a shadow or some kind of lighting issue – it’s not soot. Here’s how hot it was down there the other day.
It’s a nice dry heat, so it only feels like 98. It keeps our toes warm, but you can see why I am adament about having working smoke detectors.