First of all, isn’t my new header awesome? My friend Tammy did it. She doesn’t have a blog, but she should. She’s very funny freaking hilarious. (I have funny friends. I figure if I hang out with funny people then other people will think I’m funny too.)
Anyway, onto Helpful Hints from Mary. I spent my morning in criminal court. About 2 1/2 years ago I got pulled over and couldn’t find my insurance card. Not having insurance in Missouri is apparently a criminal offense. Then there were paperwork problems and it became a whole big mess that I won’t get into right now.
Nonetheless, I spent my morning in criminal court and now I feel that I must editorialize on the experience. Let’s start with the basics. If you are in criminal court, whether you are guilty as sin or innocent as the wind-driven snow, your sole purpose in life at that moment is to convince the judge that you are a productive and responsible member of society so that he will go easy on you. So why in the heck would you show up to court looking like you are about to go out on a roofing crew? (Note: there is nothing in this world wrong with being a roofer, I’m simply making the point that your roofing wardrobe is – or should be – different from your going-to-court wardrobe.)
Half the people there smelled as though they hadn’t bathed in a week. It was so gross that I spent the morning trying not to gag on the smell.
I can’t tell you how many women were wearing sweatsuits. I don’t care if you did buy it at Macy’s and it cost $100, a sweatsuit is a sweatsuit and is not appropriate attire for court. Neither are tennis shoes. Additionally, you girls with the faded yoga pants and flannel jackets – no way! Come on people! Take a bath, comb your hair and put on clean, ironed clothes. Even if all you own are jeans, at least wash and iron them.
Now, young men … if you do not want the judge to think you are a thug, do not dress like one. For starters, it is inappropriate to wear a ball cap inside the courthouse but especially the courtroom! And, if you don’t want the bailiff to get nervous and shoot your dumb butt, then for Pete’s sakes, pull up your pants and take the hoodie off. Can you believe that I actually saw grown men with their hood up over their heads in court?! More than one!
Sheesh. I would have thought it would be obvious that you would need to look presentable when you go before a judge, but I guess some people just don’t get it. Besides that, if I have to be all miserable and uncomfortable in panty hose and high heels, then you should too. It’s only fair.