There’s just some nuggets of information missing from the What to Expect Series of books. What follows is my horrifying account of some of that information.
My husband and I learned early on that the only way this marriage thing was going to work for us was if we had separate bathrooms. That is because my husband is, in a word, gross. And since I like to choose my battles, I chose not to fight the whiskers-in-the-sink-toilet-seat-up battle every day of my life until. death. do. us. part.
Separate bathrooms has really worked splendidly for 7 1/2 years. However, recently, my husband has decided to start sneaking showers in my bathroom. I think he likes my Irresistable Apple Shower Gel and matching Body Creme. (Maybe he thinks it makes him an irresistible piece of man fruit. Who knows?) The problem is that he does not push down the little button thingy that you pull up to start the shower. (Button thingy is the technical plumbing term for it. True story.) Which usually leads to me getting soaked with cold shower water the next morning when I lean in to turn on the shower. When I tell him to stop that, he just laughs and laughs and laughs. Don’t worry – I have access to his coffee pot so it all works out in the end.
I told you all of that so I could tell you this … This evening I was, shall we say, indisposed in the bathroom. (I know it’s too much information, but it’s central to understanding why my 2 year old was drawing her own bath.) When I left Shelby to have my moments alone, she was wearing a diaper, blue jeans, and a pink cupcake shirt. She was happily reading a book. Not two minutes later, she comes into the bathroom wearing only a pink cupcake t-shirt and my black pumps. Which she proceeded to pee in. (On a related note, I am now in the market for some new black pumps.)
I told her to “GET IN THE TUB!” Which she did. Then she turned on the water. The poor child was greeted with a freezing cold shower which completely soaked through her shirt in the mere seconds it took me to reach her and grab her out of the tub.
However, I think this might be a good thing. Shelby now knows why Daddy isn’t supposed to use Mommy’s shower and maybe she’ll remind him next time he tries to pull one over on me.