I love men. I just want to say that upfront. But I feel sorry for them in the grocery store. Not all of them; only the ones whose wives usually do the shopping yet send their husbands to the store for an item or two. These men are easy to spot; they are usually standing in one of many aisles on a cell phone asking the person on the other end if they should get premium, ultra premium, unscented, dye free, unscented dye free ultra fluffy premium, or ultra fantastic premium toilet paper and reading all the labels into the phone.
I recently discovered that it isn’t totally their fault though. I rarely go down the ice cream aisle anymore because if I have ice cream in the house then I eat it. But this night I needed some ice cream. I entered the ice cream aisle and started to pick out a box of vanilla ice cream for Meat Galore.
DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY KINDS OF VANILLA ICE CREAM THERE ARE?! If you said, “Vanilla is vanilla,” then you obviously have not recently been in the market for vanilla ice cream.
Here are the different flavors of vanilla that I found in our (admittedly very small) local grocery store:
creamy vanilla (not to be confused with rich and creamy vanilla)
double churned vanilla
rich and creamy vanilla
fat free vanilla
It’s no wonder that half the people in the store are walking around with their eyes glazed over like Gomer Pyle on valium! Even I got confused. What if I bought Country Vanilla and it was disgusting? What does country taste like anyway? Is it fried with gravy? What is the deal with vanilla bean? Shouldn’t all vanilla ice cream have had vanilla bean injected into it at some point?
It was all too much to process. As I tried to make the decision, I could feel drool forming at the corners of my lips and my eyes glazing over. I began sweating profusely. My mind became a total blank as visions of swirling packages of ice cream floated in front of my eyes. I believe at some point someone asked me if I was okay, but the details are a little fuzzy.
I gave up on vanilla and got chocolate with marshmallow – only one company makes that!