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Posts Tagged ‘who knows?’

Have you ever read the back of your lotion bottles?  I highly recommend it.  I mean it isn’t as entertaining as spying on my neighbors, but on a slow day (ie: when they are out of town), the lotion bottles can be very entertaining.  I think there must be some huge pool of out-of-work Harlequin Romance writers that the lotion industry calls on when it needs to manufacture a bottle.

Take this description from my Bath and Body Works Irresistible Apple Triple Moisture Body Cream (which smells nothing like Country Apple and they need to bring Country Apple back, in case the B&BW CEO is reading this):

Massage into skin, especially dry spots, and indulge your senses with our exclusive, alluring Irresistible Apple, a fruity floral scent inspired by both the innocence and sensuality of forbidden fruit.

Ummm … what the heck does that even mean?  And don’t they know that not all apples are forbidden, it was just the one?  And since when are apples sensuous anyway?

But lest you think it’s just the higher-end (okay, middle-end) companies who are employing the out-of-work romance writers, check out the description on my Suave Sandalwood and Cinnamon Body Lotion (For Sensual, Soft Skin):

This unique formula provides delicious moisturization, leaving your skin looking beautifully moisturized.  The sensual scent of sandalwood & cinnamon will leave your skin smelling soft and silky.

It’s unique alright.  What, exactly, does “silky” smell like anyway?  The bottle goes on:

To Use: Smooth lotion on hands and body every day.  Also try Suave Body Wash, Deodorant, and Hair Products.

Just how badly do these people think I stink?!

Was this an exciting post or what?  I’m considering a whole series on “Personal Hygiene Product Descriptions.”  I’m sure all my readers are waiting anxiously.

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