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Archive for October, 2011

I found this book in the coat closet at church.  Which, in itself, is a little weird since I can’t imagine a single one of my fellow United Methodist congregants passing out religious tracts …

I was struck by the cover.  I mean the homeless guy is obviously losing hope in the young boy’s Jesus-Tract-Passer-Outer skills.

So I flipped it open and the first page I came to was this …

Which is actually an excellent suggestion.  If the question is, “How can I get my ass arrested by Homeland Security?”

(No, this wasn’t published in 1954.  It was published in 1986, for your information.)

Considering the dog problem in my neighborhood, I thought this one was particularly fitting …

I would actually hang a hundred booklets from the dog’s collar if I thought it would make people quit letting their dogs run loose.  And quit barking.  “Oh look, honey!  Rover brought us a tract!  It must be a sign from above to quit letting him bark day and night for hours on end every single day!  I have seen the error of my ways!  Hallelujah!”

I’m almost certain that it would not occur to the dog to scratch it out and eat it because, if there’s one thing I know about dogs, it’s that they would never ever eat a foreign object!

And the next one answers the age-old question of, “How can I passive aggressively share the love of Jesus while still condoning theft?”

That’s right.  If your fingers don’t touch it, then you technically didn’t distribute it.  You just pointed it out.  Am I right?

This one is actually an excellent idea.  Especially since my child can’t even ride the 3 minutes it takes to get across town without asking me 12 times if we’re there yet.  Tracts as baby-sitters!

And my all-time favorite … drum roll please …

Let’s “bait” the trash collector like he’s a hungry rabid squirrel!  Because, obviously, he has time to stop and read every piece of paper he picks up along the way!

Illustrations that get honorable mention … Or 2 answers to the question, “What is the easiest way to get arrested for littering?”

The book is great for one thing besides being a how-to on getting arrested …

The pictures would make whimsical Christmas cards to send from the clink!

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I will admit that I am probably playing fast and loose with the word “art” here.  But specimen art is all the rage now and I just had to join in. 

I used an artist canvas about 3 inches square and I spray painted it with purple spray paint then glitter paint. 

Then I just tacky glued my google eyes on and put a ribbon around the edge to finish it off.

I know you’re jealous!

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