What Brings You Here?

One of my favorite things to do is check out what people google to find my blog.  Apparently, Google thinks I’m far more interesting than I actually am.  So, without further ado, I bring you some of my recent favorite Google Searches That Bring You To Mary’s Blog!

Bacon Jello:
That’s just gross.  Who the heck wants bacon Jello?!  Oh wait.  It’s been done.

(Picture is from my New Joys of Jello Cookbook.)

People That Look Like Monkeys:
I’m not gonna go there.  Except to say that, when referring to people, you should use “who”, not “that”.  People are whos, not thats.  And that’s all I have to say about that.

Toddler Ate Banana Peel:
Do her parents look like monkeys?  Because that would explain a lot.  But, even if they don’t, she’ll be okay.  Trust me.  My kid is living proof of that.  Does she look any worse for having eaten banana peels?

Mini Implant Supercenter:
I have 3 words.  What the hell?

Very Deep Thoughts:
You, my friend, have come to the right place.  I have deep thoughts all the time.  Well, maybe not all the time.  For instance, I can’t think of any right now …  Maybe you haven’t come to the right place after all.

Inappropriate Gifts:
I will have you know, I embody the epitome of taste and appropriateness.  Therefore, I cannot tell you anything that is inappropriate.  However, I will say this, Pickle Bandages are always an appropriate gift.  Hostesses love them.  As do grandparents and teenagers alike.

How To Make Assless Chaps:
First of all, quit calling them “assless chaps”.  It’s redundant.  Chaps have no ass.  That’s what makes them chaps and not pants.  Since about 12 people a day google this and are directed to my blog, I would like to be helpful.  To make assless chaps, take a pair of blue jeans or leather pants and a good pair of scissors.  Lay the pants back side up on a large table or your floor.  Now cut the seat out of them.  Voila!  Chaps!

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How About a Cake Wreck? And Some Scrumptious Cupcakes.

Here’s the cake I made for Independence Day.  It didn’t turn out quite like I was hoping it would …

I guess it isn’t really a true cake wreck since I did manage to spell USA correctly.  And I’m not a professional by any stretch of the imagination.

My cupcakes turned out much better.  Don’t you just want to eat all of them?

My neighbor thought it was totally hilarious that I was taking pictures of my cupcakes.  I never thought it was weird until then.  Maybe that’s why my family always give me funny looks when I ask them to pose with my cupcakes.  Who knows?

I probably should have watermarked the first picture.  I know all of you are just dying to print it out and hang it in your kitchen.

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My New Message Center.

I found a brand new pattern holder at the thrift store for 50 cents.  Since I forgot to take a Before picture, I will just have to describe it to you.  I hope it doesn’t tax my powers of description to do so.  It was a beige piece of metal about 8 1/2 x 11.  Oh yeah, and it’s magnetic.

I turned it into this:

I got the paper and coordinating brads from the Creating Keepsakes Convention last October.  They are by Kaiser Scrapbook.  It took me this long to find the perfect project for it.

All I did was Mod Podge the paper to the metal board.  I then cut off the brad part of the brads and hot-glued the pretty parts to magnets.  The post-it notes also have a magnet on the back so the pad can be moved.  (I got the pad from the Dollar Spot at Target back in February.  I told you I have a problem with collecting stuff that I just know I’ll use sometime in the distant future.)  I finished it off by hot gluing a ribbon to the back to use as a hanger – you can just barely see it at the top there.

I was hoping it would be used as a message center for Meat Galore to leave me little love notes.  So far, all it has held is my Costco list.

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Excessive Usage.

For those of you who don’t know, I work for my dad.  So I will probably get in trouble for posting this.  However, that couldn’t possibly be nearly as awkward as having a Come-to-Jesus meeting about excessive plumbing usage.

I had to go get something out of my dad’s office and this was sitting on his desk.  (It was right on top, Dad, I wasn’t snooping.)

Can you imagine that conversation?  “Ummmm, yeah, when you’re done with that TPI report, I’m gonna need to talk to you about your excessive usage of the facilities …”

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Open Poem to Escalade Drivers.

Well maybe not all of them.  But you know the type.  After 2 Escalade related near death experiences in one day, I figured these special people deserved a poem of their own.

Hey you!
Lady with the baby!
Don’t you know?
Escalades have the right of way.

Hey you!
Old guy in the wheelchair!
You’re slowing me down!
Escalades have the right of way.

You think just because
Your hands are full of groceries
That you can break the rules?
I don’t think so!
Escalades have the right of way.

Hey!  Don’t flip me off!
I’m on a very important
Bluetooth call!
And I’ll go where I want!
Escalades have the right of way!

What?  I ran over your foot?
So?
It’s called collateral damage.
You should have moved.
Escalades have the right of way.

Where will you park?
How should I know?
I need all three of these spots.
Besides
Escalades have the right of way.

Copyright: marybt.  2009.

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Bacon Floss.

I’m pretty sure this is my new favorite invention ever.

Bacon Floss.  That is so incredibly awesome that I don’t even feel the need to elaborate.

If you’d like to buy your favorite blogger (me, of course) some Bacon Floss, you can get it at www.perpetualkid.com.  Hint hint.  Thanks in advance!

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Power Company – FAIL.

Apparently, the power went out down at my folks’ lake house.  So the local electric company went out to do what they do best – restore power.  When the workmen dug up the junction box, they discovered something very interesting.  The water shut off valve was in the same hole as the electric junction box.  I guess they figured if you were having a major flooding incident in your home, you would first don rubber boots and insulated gloves before getting out your shovel to dig a hole and get to the water shut-off valve – there bravely facing electrical shock in order to stop the flooding.

So the local electric company did what they do best – the moved the junction box to a more appropriate location.  Which happened to be the middle of the road.  But it’s okay, they protected the box with 4×4 posts so that if you should chance to run into one, you only destroy your car (or boat/trailer) and not the junction box.  Gotta protect the junction box.

The second picture is a view of the neighbor’s driveway.  I’d give 50 cents to see him back a boat around that thing.

And, in anticipation of your next question, yes.  It’s permanent and no, it’s not just a temporary measure.

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Zebra.

I picked a photo for the art show at our county fair.

I was personally concerned about the subject matter, but everyone I asked thought it was the best of all the pictures I had to choose from.  I guess the judges didn’t mind because I won 2nd place overall.  And 20 bucks.  Woohoo.  The judge’s notes said, “Unusual perspective.”

On an unrelated note, I really need to stay away from the Amish.  Well not all of them, just one in particular.  You see, there’s a really nice Amish woman at the farmers’ market I go to who makes bread.  Every week by the time I get there, the sourdough bread is gone.  And I don’t get there particularly late.  So last week I expressed my disappointment.  This really nice lady made extra batches of sourdough bread this week so I could have some!  Which sounds really sweet, right?  It was, but now I can’t stay out of the bread – it’s sooooo good!  I can’t remember the last time I ate this much bread and I’m guessing it’s bad for my diet.  But it’s soooo good.

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Altered Paint Chip Photo Album and Scrapbook.

A few years ago, I was looking to paint my house so I went and got some paint chips at Home Depot.  They had these awesome Walt Disney paint chips.  It was several months before I figured out what to do with them (oh yes, I picked them up because I knew I would be able to figure something out eventually).  I’m bad about that – I collect objects that I just know I’ll be able to use for a project someday.  I used them to make a little mini album of a trip our family took to Walt Disney World when I was a little kid.  For the smaller chips (those with Mickey ears), I applied a rub-on.  Then I put the pictures themselves on the larger paint chips.

Even though I made this quite awhile ago, it still remains one of my favorite projects.  Here are a few pages from the album.

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Tacky Tuesday – Moo Cow Creamer.

As promised, I am bringing you a tacky find from the grandma estate sale last week.  I didn’t pick up this creamer when I went to the sale.  But when I told my mother about the sale, she had to go check it out and I asked her to pick up the creamer if no one else had.  She seemed genuinely surprised that it was still there.

I wonder what it says about me that I love this tacky plastic treasure … But mostly I wonder where I’m going to put this lovely lady.  And what I’m going to name her.  Bessie seems too obvious and bourgeois a name for her.

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