Merry Christmas from 1957!

I think I’ve mentioned before how I feel like I would have loved living in the 1950’s when everything was good for you and nothing would harm you.  Except the Russians and Sputnik, things like that.  But no American made product would ever bring you to any harm.

From 7-Up (and Coke Classic) for babies …

To beer to help nursing moms beat the baby blues and nourish their child with healthy nourishing essential hops …

Even Santa got in on the act.  Somehow, he drove that sleigh and landed on all those roofs without ever even having to take the cigarette out of his mouth.  And he never fell asleep and set anyone’s house on fire.  Look how jolly he looks! 

Lucky for Santa, the manufacturers of Camel and Prince Albert had tobacco products for all your Christmas gift-giving needs.  A can of snuff for Grandma and a huge ass box of smokes for your honey.  (Nothin’ says lovin’ like a huge ass box of smokes.)

    

Shoot.  It was even safe to buy your wife a vacuum cleaner for Christmas!  The world is a different place now and I’m pretty sure the World Health Organization and most consumer safety groups advise against that.

You could even have a revolver in the house when you gave your wife such a gift and it was still safe!         

And why not matching bb guns for the whole family?  You could shoot at each other and then Mom could vacuum up all the bb’s (made of lead, of course, because it’s good for you) with her brand new Hoover!

 

Okay, so I can’t really say anything about the matching bb guns since I seriously considered matching his and hers NRA memberships for our anniversary, but was told that would be way too mushy; so I only bought one.

Merry Christmas!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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A Vintage Christmas Menu.

I like to make Christmas special with fancy punch and appetizers.  To that end, when I was planning this year’s menu, I turned to my 1967 Good Housekeeping Complete Christmas Cookbook.  As always, I found plenty of ideas.  Not anything I would actually make, of course.  Or even eat, for that matter.

But it’s fun to imagine a punch where the garnish is made from garbage.  At least I hope that’s the garnish and not just the ingredients trying to escape.

 But the best recipe in the book has to be the Molded – Pate Cheese Balls.  (Number 1 in the picture below.)

It is, I am not making this up, made up of gelatin, cream cheese, beef consomme, and liver pate.  Nothing says “Merry Christmas” like liver Jello!  That’s my motto.  And the orange garnish around the bottom of the plate totally brings the presentation home!

Number 2 in the picture (official name: Nibblers Crisp) has a long list of ingredients and instructions, which can be summarized thusly: take a bunch of raw vegetables, put them in a Jello mold, add water until full, and then freeze.  It’s basically a big giant ball of vegetable ice.  I imagine guests standing at the buffet line with ranch dressing and an ice pick, “Dang it!  All I want is a frozen cucumber, but they keep breaking everytime I try to pull them off the ice!  CHRISTMAS IS RUINED!”

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Dear Mary, Volume 1, Holiday Priorities.

I am constantly being asked for advice.  Constantly.

Being asked for advice, giving unsolicited advice …  Po-tay-toh, po-tah-toh.

So I have decided to start a weekly irregular Dear Mary column.

Today’s question comes from alert reader Mary (no relation) in Iowa.  She writes:

Dear Mary (no relation);

I feel so harried during the Christmas season.  Do you have any advice for how I can prioritize and get the most important items, such as making my famous fruitcakes, done?

Mary Too Fruity in Iowa.

Dear Mary Too Fruity in Iowa (no relation);

Have you ever come to the right place for help!  I have scoured my recipe library and found a wonderful, easy, lovely fruitcake that you will not be ashamed to present to your guests!  And the good news is that you still have plenty of time to make it!  (If you start this evening or 4:30 AM tomorrow at the latest.)

First, you will need to make your candied orange shells.  This must be done tonight!  I recommend not watching Desperate Housewives.  And you probably shouldn’t waste any time tucking the kids into bed.  You need to get cracking, woman!

The rest of it can wait until a week before Christmas.  But you must make your candied orange shells tonight.  Trust me, it will be worth it when you present your guests with these lovely fruitcakes in a candied orange shell and tied with a string on top!  I mean the string is held in place with a clove!  You cannot beat that!

*Note.  Do not make canding orange shells on a humid day.  Not unless you want a fruitcake disaster.

I’m so glad I could be of service.  Enjoy Christmas!

Love,
Mary (no relation)

P.S.  Don’t do a Google Image search for “fruitcake”.

 

 

 

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Can Meatloaf Have ADD? Why, yes. Yes it can.

I got a Good Housekeeping magazine from January 1966 because, quite honestly, I love them.  It’s a good thing they are cheap (when you can find them).

I also love to try new recipes out of vintage magazines.  Recipes like … say … Golden Fruited Meat Loaf.

No, it isn’t staring at you.  Those are actually prunes.  Here, I’ll show you.

I use the phrase “meat loaf” in the strictest terms.  It is made of both veal and pork.  Why do I call it the ADD Meat Loaf though?  Because it also has sweet potatoes, prunes, green beans, and almonds.  I can imagine serving this to my family, “Mooooooom, my dinner is staring at me!  I’m scared!”  And my husband yelling, “Don’t stomp on it, it isn’t a giant insect.  It just looks like one.”

Nothing says gourmet, though, like curled up hot dogs served with bow tie pasta.  Especially if you call it a Saucy Frank Dinner.

Aaaaaand … a close up.

Remember, nothing says you love your family like serving them a gourmet meal!  And nothing screams gourmet like curled up hot dogs sprinkled with parsley.

(Okay, I am not making this up.  I was just proofreading this and Meat Galore comes in and says, “Are you gonna make that hot dog thing?  It looks really good.”)

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Merry Christmas From Our Checkered Dress Friend!

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Edna Is Not Observant.

I really like looking at old pictures.  I don’t particularly care to own old pictures except those of my family, but I do like looking at them.  (Who wants a bunch of pictures of strangers hanging around?)  However, I could not resist buying this one at an estate sale this summer.  The little girl is so cute.  But that’s not why I bought it.

I bought it for what was written on the back, “Edna, Be sure & see the checkered dress.”

That cracks me up.  How could you miss the checkered dress?  I wonder what the story behind that was.  Is Edna extremely un-observant?  Or maybe the sender just wanted Edna to know that the child was wearing the dress Aunt Edna had sent.  I don’t know.  But I do know that cracks me up.

Here’s the little girl all dressed up for Halloween.  (Don’t worry, I embellished a copy, the original is still intact.)

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Having a Wild Time!

In the spirit of summer-time family vacations, I want to share with you this postcard I found at a garage sale a couple weeks ago.

Here’s the back.

No, Wren, the front explains nothing!  Where the heck are you?  I mean, based on my experiences in this area, I have to guess that you were on a float trip.  Just going by the corncob pipe and the sail tied to your toe.  Except I know of no rivers in Missouri that look like the ocean!  This is a terrible postcard!  Do you wish L.E.O. was there?  What kind of amusements are there?  Are we talking boardwalks or hookers?  You really need to be more specific.  Next time you write a postcard, please be more considerate of posterity and their voyeuristic tendencies.

I couldn’t make out the postmark, so I checked online.  Postcard stamps were 2 cents in 1952.  (First class stamps were 2 cents in 1919.)  I’m guessing this was sent in 1952.  I was amazed that a google search for “historical post card stamp prices” rendered an answer.  But I suppose if “I hate mashed potato flakes” is a fruitful search, then anything I could dream up would be.  That was Angie over at The American Homemaker who googled her hatred of mashed potato flakes.

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Tacky Tuesday – Moo Cow Creamer.

As promised, I am bringing you a tacky find from the grandma estate sale last week.  I didn’t pick up this creamer when I went to the sale.  But when I told my mother about the sale, she had to go check it out and I asked her to pick up the creamer if no one else had.  She seemed genuinely surprised that it was still there.

I wonder what it says about me that I love this tacky plastic treasure … But mostly I wonder where I’m going to put this lovely lady.  And what I’m going to name her.  Bessie seems too obvious and bourgeois a name for her.

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Vintage Creepy Doll Wrapping Paper.

First I should tell you that I am not making this up.  I am not.  I posted the blog entry about creepy dolls and my dad’s naked mannequin on Wednesday night.  The very next day (which was yesterday), I stopped at a garage sale on my way home from work.  It was a very awesome garage sale.  The people were clearing out their grandma’s estate and Grandma had lots of stuff.  What made it even better was that the sellers were in the business to get rid of lots of stuff.  So I made out like a bandit.

However, that’s not the interesting part of this story.  In the corner of the garage was a humongous box full of vintage pictures, posters, ads, magazines, etc.  Most of it was doll-related.  There were several packages of this wrapping paper.

Each package had a pink sheet and a blue sheet.  However, I don’t think those pictures can give you the full horrific effect.  So I took close-ups.

And, yes, I did buy this package of wrapping paper.  See the sacrifices I make for my faithful readers?  Okay, the truth is that I’m going to use it to wrap my sisters’ birthday gifts.  I personally would be scared as hell if I got a package wrapped up in this.  But I don’t believe in the whole “do unto others” thing when it comes to my dear sisters.  [Insert mean sister laugh here.]

I know that many of you are wondering why I didn’t save this for Tacky Tuesday – well, I have another very special surprise from that sale for Tacky Tuesday.

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Vintage Thingies Thursday – Smokey The Bear Book

For this week’s Vintage Thingies Thursday, I bring to you Smokey the Bear!  I love Smokey.  I always have.  Probably because I’m a conservationist (not to be confused with environmentalist or tree hugger).

My mom got me this book a couple weeks ago and I treasure it.  It was published in 1955.  The pictures are so beautiful with really vibrant colors.

I love this last page.  “Let’s all be careful with smokes.”  If this book were published now, it would probably say, “Just say no to tobacco!”

If you’d like to see more great Vintage Thingies, go check out Colorado Lady at http://coloradolady.blogspot.com.

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