Our firm is looking to hire someone so I placed an advertisement in the classified section of the Kansas City Star this Sunday. I cannot believe some of the garbage we get! However, the absolute worst resume I have ever seen came across my desk yesterday. It is so disastrously bad that I had to make a copy to share with my faithful readers.
First, I should say, the envelope was handwritten; not neatly, I might add. The young man apparently mis-spelled something on the envelope and proceeded to scribble it out and write next to it. Maybe he was trying to show us that he is fiscally convervative by not getting a new envelope. Who knows?
The cover letter is so far beyond description, that I had to just scan it in so you can see it first-hand; you wouldn’t believe me if I told you. Please note, I blacked out his name and our company name – or what I assume to be our company name, it was close anyway.
I almost expected to receive a text message that said, “r u hiring” as a follow-up to the resume. Does this young man really believe I want to hire someone who cannot string together a sentence in such a way that it can be comprehended by someone of even mild intelligence?
I wanted to post the resume, but I need to respect the privacy of his former employers. I will, however, share with you some of my favorite highlights. Under the heading of “Specialties” he has the following (all in one paragraph): “Ability to analyze companys [sic] cad [sic] standards and improve cad functions and related computer operations to make company more efficient * Energetic and assertive but flexible personality * Good communication skills; creative and resourceful utilizing visualization * Ability to train, supervise and coordinate workers * Analytical thinking, problem solving and conflict resolution * A standards policeman paying attention to accuracy, detail and consistency * Ability to pick up new concepts quickly and self motivated to learn * Enthusiastic team player and goal oriented.”
Well then. I can’t help but wonder what a flexible personality is. Isn’t your personality just your personality? If you can change it, then it probably isn’t really your personality. The good communication skills lie speaks for itself; re: cover letter. I’m glad he is able to utilize visualization since he is applying for a job as a draftsman. What’s with the policeman? I thought he was a draftsman? Of course, his last skill rather sounds as though he is applying to become a professional soccer player.
Sadly, while this is probably the worst we’ve seen from a prospective employee, it isn’t the worst by much. Last summer I had to interview people for a cleaning position. Now there’s a treat. One young lady came in wearing a camisole and flip flops. She brought her friend along with her because she “thought you could give her a job too.” A couple hours after she left, a high school boy came in to interview. His friend also came with him and sat in another office chair slumped over while we had the interview.
Who on earth thinks it is acceptable to bring your friends to an interview? It was the most bizarre thing I had ever witnessed.
At any rate, it is graduation season and all our fresh-faced new graduates will be looking for jobs. I hope they will take this post as a lesson in what not to do in order to land your dream job.