You should never give a 13 year old boy a donut and a coke for breakfast. Why not? Because it isn’t healthy. But that is completely secondary to the real reason. That much sugar winds them up and, let’s face it, 13 year old boys aren’t generally the most normal non-rabid acting creatures anyway. When you give them all that sugar, it messes up their heads and they do crap like randomly wander around farting and turning off their fellow students’ computers.
That is dangerous activity there. Seriously. It ranks right up there with snorting Elmer’s and dealing crack. And the sheriff’s department takes it very seriously. At least in Stuart, Florida they do. I ran across this news article on msnbc.com yesterday:
Student arrested for ‘passing gas’ at school
Sheriff’s report says the boy was ‘disrupting his classroom environment’
The Associated Press
updated 8:47 p.m. CT, Mon., Nov. 24, 2008
STUART, Fla. – A student at a Florida school has been arrested after authorities said he was “passing gas” and turning off his classmates’ computers.
According to a report released Friday by the Martin County Sheriff’s Office, the 13-year-old boy “continually disrupted his classroom environment” by intentionally breaking wind. He then shut off some computers other students were using.
The Spectrum Junior-Senior High School student was arrested Nov. 4.
A school resource officer placed the boy under arrest after he confessed about his behavior, according to the report. He was charged with disruption of school function and released to his mother.
Copyright 2008 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.
I’m kind of curious as to whether the school called 9-1-1 or not. Can you imagine that call?
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 what’s your emergency?
Random Authority Figure: I have a 13 year old boy farting in my classroom.
Dispatcher: So? Give him some Gas-X.
Random Authority Figure: No! You need to come arrest him now!
Dispatcher: You do realize that, as we speak, gangsters are raping and pillaging our fine city, don’t you?
Random Authority Figure: I don’t give a rat’s behind! I got a 13 year old boy running around here like a gassy rabid squirrel and HE MUST BE DETAINED!
As my alert friend and faithful reader Melissa so aptly pointed out, “That is a poorly written article. Was the kid arrested for farting? Or more likely for cutting off other students computers so they couldn’t do their work? Or does the kid have magic farts that are able to control computer systems?”
I have to admit something though (and, if I’m ever asked about it in a court of law or anywhere else, I will deny it until the world ends); I am very impressed that the boy can fart on demand. I’m worried about the kids who let him turn off their computers, however. Why wouldn’t they just smack his hand away? How the heck did this ridiculous situation escalate to the point that a 13 year old boy got arrested for acting like a lunatic? That’s what 13 year old boys do! That’s why we call them 13 year old boys! If they didn’t act like lunatics, then we’d call them little old ladies.
Speaking of 13 year old boys (at least the mentality), I’m going to go see if Meat Galore can fart on demand.
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